Lesson Learned

Ever since I had my son I feel more like "Noah's Mom" than Jessica. So I started this blog thinking that it would be the one thing in my life that would be separate from him. Something all to myself. But he is such a large part of my life, it would be futile to try and exclude him. So instead I'm using this blog as a diary for Noah to read one day. Hopefully he'll find humor in today's blog entry and forgive me for my flaws.

It's been scorching hot lately so we decided to make a play date with another mommy and her toddler to go to the beach. I changed Noah's diaper and put on his SPF and decided to put on the rest of his clothes outside while we waited for our play date. With everything in hand I told Noah "Let's go". He was having such a good time sitting in his pool float that he didn't want to budge. So I told him, "Okay, Mama's leaving" and went into the garage to load the car. Once or twice before I have done the same thing in hopes of teaching him that I mean business when I say I'm leaving. Like before he followed me to the garage and jiggled the door knob. With a little smirk on my face because of his predictability, I walked to the door to let him out. But the door was locked!!! He locked himself inside when he was jiggling the knob. I felt my legs go weak and I started pounding on the door calling "Noah! Noah! Noah!" No response. I grabbed my cell phone from the car and called Bryan to come home immediately. I started pounding on the door again and calling his name. Still no answer. I go to the back sliding glass door where the blinds were slightly opened and started pounding and calling his name over and over. I didn't see him and still no response. It's so unlike him that I started to freak out. I go back to the garage door and pounded frantically. Nothing. I took a second to compose myself and calmly said, "Noah, you locked Mama out. Mama can't open the door. Can you open the door for Mama?" Then I finally heard him make a peep. He jiggled the knob but he couldn't open it so I tell him to meet me at the back glass door. He goes to the back and swings the blinds open a bit further. There we stand separated by glass trying to touch each other's hands. For the next 40 minutes I talked to him, played peekaboo and waited for Baba to come home. He's wearing nothing but diapers and a head full of sweat and I have sunburned calves. Our play date arrives and she brings me boba iced tea. He looked at me longingly as I took a sip. My poor baby. Just then Baba walks up from right behind him and unlocks the sliding door. I rushed into the house, gave him a big hug and noticed that the music was on. He had climbed on the chair and turned on the radio! I guess he was enjoying being home alone. I have learned my lesson and am grateful that he is safe and sound. But can you believe a few days later we saw him flip the lock to the unlock position on the sliding glass door?

Beach

I love the ocean. In fact, my dream house would be perched on top of a mountain with a magnificent ocean view. A little 2 bedroom in Laguna after we retire will do just fine. Unfortunately, we don't go there enough especially since we had Noah. Kids love playing at the beach but I just don't want to deal with the cleanup. First I'd have to drench him in sunblock every 20 minutes, then deal with sand in the hair, feet and butt crack. The car seat would be covered with sunblock and sand until I'm able to figure out how to remove and wash it. Then as soon as we'd get home I would have to bathe him which would cut into dinner prep time. And I don't even want to imagine trying to get the sand out of his hair since he hates it when we wash his hair. Just a little too much effort for 1 hour at the beach. But yesterday I saw some photos of friends who brought their 3 young boys for a week long camp out at the beach. THREE BOYS! WEEK LONG! Boy, are they brave - yes you know who you are! Then today Noah was watching one of his videos and it had kids running around on the beach. With summer coming to an end it inspired me to make an impromptu trip to the beach. After all the preparation, i.e., sunblock, towels, toys, snack, water, camera, sunglasses, jacket, change of clothes, diapers etc., we were finally out the door at 5pm. Even though we live only 10 miles away, I did not anticipate we'd be stuck in rush hour traffic. Noah was nice and patient with his shades on and holding his bucket and shovel. After half and hour he took his first steps in sand. We walked all the way to the water and got his feet wet a few times but he did not enjoy that too much. Then we sat and played with his shovel, bucket and truck. He enjoyed chasing the birds, watching the helicopter fly by and pointing out all the dogs. Luckily, Noah didn't seem to like getting all that sand on him so he stayed pretty clean. So with a quick diaper change, a sip of water, his fish crackers and a wipe of his hands and feet we headed home. In hindsight, it might have been more fun if there were more people and kids out playing but the heat and the battle for a parking space would make it a lot less fun for me. The weather was perfect, no jacket needed and it sure beats our usual stroll around the neighborhood. Tomorrow, we'll bring a ball.

Lick!

Is it weird that I sometimes have an urge to lick my son? Sometimes when Noah is snuggled up next to me with his head and hair against my cheek trying to fall asleep, I feel an instinctive urge to groom him like a mother cat does to her kitten. I've never owned any pets other than fish and I never particularly liked cats so I find it quite weird that I'm relating to them in this strange way. I don't know, maybe next time instead of telling him "I Love You", I'll just give him a quick lick on his head.

Smack Down

Noah's starting to hit other kids. I think he picked it up from our mommy and me class. The kids in his class are a bit older and every time we'd go, he would get picked on at least once or twice. He always seems confused as to why they would growl at him, push him to the ground, hit him in the head with trucks or throw temper tantrums. In fact, he walked over to a kid on the ground throwing a temper tantrum and bent over to observe her. It's either that or he's just at the age where kids do that naturally. Well, he's been swatting at his cousin Daniel lately. I always say "No, no, Noah", but I always follow it with a little pat on the head and a whispered "Good job". For those of you who don't know I grew up with 2 older brothers and was the recipient of many swats. All I can say is revenge is so sweet. (By the way, sorry Aunt Lydia, I told Noah he can only hit Uncle John's side of Daniel not Aunt Lydia's side.)

Being Your Mom

I woke up tonight from your constant stirring. It's been hot the past 2 days so I awoke feeling unbearably hot. I thought that you might be feeling the same way so I quickly took off your socks - which you dislike wearing when you sleep and your poofy blanket pants. Then I went and laid by your feet so that I'd remember to put on a lighter pair of sweats and to change your diapee because you've been peeing out of your diapers consistently for the past few months. Luckily the poofy blanket pants usually absorbs most of the leakage but without those tonight you definitely need a diaper change before dawn. Sensing that I was by your feet you kept kicking me in the face. After a dozen or so kicks I got up to check if your dad was still awake. It's around 2AM and he's better at wrapping you in your diapers to minimize leaks. He's not, so I'm on my own. In an attempt to wrap you up tightly I constantly check and adjust the diaper which of course wakes you up. I put on your sweats and lay next to you. You look up at me with your big angelic eyes and I couldn't resist but give you a kiss on your green Soothie pacifier. You smile at me behind your paci. I tell you "Swai jao" (Go to sleep). Your paci pops out and being thirsty myself I sit you up and offer you your water. You take two long aggressive sucks of water and I pop your paci back in. There goes the diaper change. You're having a hard time falling back to sleep tonight. You crawl on top of me and lay in the cradle of my arm, you lay on my side using my tummy as your recliner, you lay perpendicular to me on top of your pillow with your head next to mine, you lay in front of me and grasp my cheek and play with my nose. I pretend to sleep in hopes that you'll fall asleep quickly. But of course I can't sleep. I can never sleep when you're still awake. Finally, over and hour later I pull you close to me. With you cradled in my arm I tell you that it's time to sleep. You lay a bit then you started to kick your leg up and down. I tell you to stop moving. You start up again so I tap your leg. You snuggle up next to me with your forehead on my cheek and your hair tickling my eyes. Your left leg on top of mine. Your breathing deepens and in a few minutes you're asleep. You paci falls on my chest and I savor the moment. I love Being Your Mom.

Random Things

I didn't realize how much work it would be keeping up a blog. I find it difficult keeping it interesting. So whether you find it interesting or not I'm going to tell you 15 random things about Noah. I'm sure everyone is familiar with the note going around Facebook. I did mine a couple of days ago (which is listed under Noah's) and thought it would be fun doing one for Noah.

Noah's 15 Random Things
1. He fell out of bed this morning which explains why I'm up at this ungodly hour. Then an hour later while half asleep, he crawled to the end of the bed and looked at where he fell off and went back to sleep.
2. He has 4 teeth on top and 4 on the bottom. They're pretty screwed up. I've never seen such teeth on a child but I'm pretty sure he gets it from me.
3. He doesn't like his feet covered when he sleeps. Everytime I put the covers over him while he's sleeping he'll keep pulling until they're off.
4. He doesn't like fruits or fruit juices. What kid doesn't like sweet juice??
5. His favorite toys are sticks and balls. When we go out shopping I'll give him an orange or spatula to keep him happy.
6. During mealtimes I have Elmo and Mickey videos to keep him distracted. I got the Mickey videos to get him psyched for out upcoming Disneyland trip :)
7. In addition to videos during mealtimes he needs to have something in his hands or he'll get restless. Remote controls, utensils, baby magazines, toys - you name it.
8. He picked nose for the first time yesterday. It was very cute. Since he's sick he got some mucus out and then tried to put it in his mouth! Why do kids do that? Is it instinct??
9. Even though we speak mostly Chinese/Cantonese at home Noah's first words are all English. He hasn't said anything consistently yet but he attempts to say "Open, Bubble and Baby".
10. He falls asleep easily for naps but it takes him 40 minutes to and hour to go to sleep for the night.
11. He started walking on Bryan's birthday.
12. He loves his pacifier. He would suck it all day if he could but we only give it to him when it's time to sleep.
13. He has a problem with constipation. His last poop was the size of a baseball and the consistency of Play-Doh. Poor boy :(
14. He is at 55% for height but less than 10% for weight compared to boys at his age. He doesn't have much fat on him except for a little fat line on his inner thighs. I love that fat line but it's fading a little everyday...sigh
15. When he hears music he'll flap hand up and down. It started when I used to have music on in the house and I would jump around while holding him. That made his free hand flap up and down :)

Jessica's 25 Random Things
1. I generally dislike eating Chinese food when I go out to eat. I eat it all day at home so why would I eat it when I go out too?
2. I broke my left arm, right ankle (where the bone came out of my skin) and fractured my eye orbital when I flipped my mom's car when I was 20 yrs old. I was in a wheelchair for 6 months.
3. I gained 20lbs since high school, 10 of which were leftover from the pregnancy. I think they're here to stay...sigh
4. I sleep with Noah every chance I get which sometimes adds up to 16 hours in one day!
5. After 5 years of marriage we just got our first home phone last year. Before that we just used our cells.
6. I flunked out of CSUF before graduating from UCI.
7. I was on hospitalized bedrest for 7 weeks for preterm labor, shot up with drugs to prevent contractions, given steroids so that Noah would grow faster and gave myself 2 insulin injections daily in my belly because of gestational diabetes.
8. I avoided going to places like Disneyland, Sea World and Zoos for the past 10 years in fear that once I have children I'd be really sick of those places. On a side note, we are taking Noah to Disneyland for my bday this year :)
9. I've had 6 full-time jobs in a span of 8 years. In addition, I also worked part-time for 2 wedding planners on weekends.
10. I am thinking about going back to school for to become an Ultrasound Technician. I found out that my BA is useless in finding a good paying part-time job.
11. I told my friend Jeanine I was pregnant before I told Bryan :) He was on a plane coming back from Kuwait, I couldn't help myself!
12. Bryan and I have been out 3 times without Noah since he was born 15 months ago.
13. I didn't realize that I love cheese until I met someone who hates cheese.
14. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 10 years old and I haven't riden one again since I was 13 years old. I didn't gain much confidence in my riding skills so whenever I passed by pedestrians on the sidewalk I'd start to freak out and weave from side to side.
15. I watch all my tv shows on the internet after Noah goes to sleep. My current favorites are Top Chef, Top Design, Project Runway, Hell's Kitchen, Rachel Zoe, America's Best Dance Crew and How I Met Your Mother.
16. I the past 30 years I've lived in 8 different homes within a 5 mile radius.
17. I cannot sing, drink or dance. But with a little alcohol in me I'll dance a bit :)
18. I had a fear of cats and dogs. Now I like little dogs and I tolerate cats but I still fear big dogs.
19. I don't like being in individual competitions because there's always a winner and a loser, and I'm usually the loser.
20. I have a hard time making new friends. I think it's from an irrational fear of rejection.
21. I also have a hard time making "small talk", I feel very fake when I do it and I don't like that feeling at all. See #20.
22. I am proud of the second place ribbon I won for the bean bag throw in the first grade and the Presidential Award in the 6th grade. I also won 3rd place trophies for Poetry in 7th and 8th grade.
23. I won the grand prize laptop at the China Airlines Xmas party. Haven't won anything since.
24. I've never rollerbladed before in my life.
25. I left work without telling my boss so that I could get Aaron Kwok's autograph. I got a photo with him too :) I'm too lazy to scan the photo so you'll just have to believe me on that one.

That's it. I hope you found it "interesting". If not, I'm sorry I wasted your time. That was one long post!

Innocent Flirtation?

What do you do when the love of your life flirts with someone right in front of you? What I did was grinned and bore it and came home to vent in my blog. I know what you're thinking, "Bryan? He doesn't seem like the type to do something like that!" Well, you're absolutely right! It was Noah!! Tonight we were at my parents house and Noah was playing ball with his cousins. Aunt Lydia (names have been changed to protect the innocent) came downstairs and sat next to me on the couch while I held her cute little baby. Noah approached us and at first we thought he was a little jealous until I noticed he was actually approaching Aunt Lydia. He proceeded to walk back and forth between playing ball and Aunt Lydia and at times even presented her the ball he had so difficultly acquired from his older cousins. While at play he would also sneak glances over at Aunt Lydia as if to see if she was watching his great athletic prowess. When Aunt Lydia brought her sleepy baby upstairs, he stopped playing ball and tried to follow her upstairs. Noah is 14.5 months old! How could this start so early?!? I thought I would have a few more years as the apple of his eyes as he is mine. I spend day and night catering to his every want and he has fallen in love with another woman. Sigh...all I can say is my heart is broken into a million pieces and can never be mended.

USA vs. China

January 12, 2009 marks 30 years since I first step foot in America. I immigrated here at the age of 3 so I have no memories of Taiwan before that. Though I visited every 2 years or so I didn't really have a deep connection with the country. That is until I was in Taiwan during the big earthquake on 9/21/99. Buildings collapsed, people trapped, thousands died, rescuers arrived from all over the world and everywhere on the streets people were banded together helping and supporting one another. That's when I had an overwhelming feeling of "Wow, these are my people". Corny eh? Well, since then, tragedy over, people healed, life went on and Taiwan is thousands of ocean miles away. The connection slowly fades away. Bryan on the other hand came to America when he was 16 years old. He tells me that he could never live in Hong Kong again. He's used to living in larger homes, driving to work and non-humid weather. But that doesn't change his deep connection to his roots. It was never so prevalent until we watched the Olympics together and I realized we were rooting for different teams! That brings on a slew of introspective questions of why I consider myself first a Chinese and second an American, but I still hope that the Chinese gymnastics team gets eliminated for having underaged athletes. Could it be because I was conditioned at an early age to pledge my allegience to the American flag every day at school? Too many questions to be discussed in this blog. But it does make me wonder, "At what age do you become connected to your country?"

CLICK!

A new strategy...

I just figured out how to check how much money I made so far from Adsense. A whole $1.31! That's 4 total clicks! Adsense pays every time you reach $100 in earnings. At this point, I won't be paid until Noah graduates from college! Come on people, Bryan's about to shut down my blog. He didn't like me talking about my small and saggies in the last post. Click if you like the post, click if you're bored, click if "you threw up a little in your mouth". Doesn't matter, just CLICK! By the way, I'm not allowed to "encourage" anyone to do this under their terms and conditions so I'm not encouraging you. I'm TELLING you. GO DO IT!

Pregnancy - Small & Saggy

Some people think that being pregnant is beautiful. I was NOT one of the beautiful ones. In fact, every time my grandma saw me when I was pregnant she said "You're uglier, you must be having a boy". She was right. She knew before the doctors knew. Perhaps one of the most surprising physical change was the changes to my boobs. Almost immediately after I got pregnant they got bigger. They got so heavy that it was painful so I had to wear a sports bra 24/7. And now that Noah has stopped breastfeeding I noticed that they shrunk! Yes, they're smaller than what I started with!!! Now smaller is not all that bad, but small AND saggy! Come on now, give me a break! Now tell me, what's so beautiful about that?

Unhappy New Years Deja Vu

Bryan woke up today with dizziness and the chills and went straight back to bed only to wake up with a bad case of the runs. Noah has been fussy and clingy all day and even threw up part of his lunch. I was OK until this evening when I started feeling nauseous and had a little diarrhea as well. I went to bed early and woke up at 3am trying to rid myself of some of this unpleasantness, i.e., toilet time. While I was on the toilet I thought of the last time I felt like this was when I went to Hong Kong with my dad about 15 years ago for some holiday shopping. It was New Year's Eve and we headed out on Tsim Sha Tsui to join the festivities. Were we in for a big surprise. New Years Eve in Tsim Sha Tsui consists of tens of thousands of people packed like sardines in the streets. I heard one year that 20+ people were trampled to death during New Year's Eve in Hong Kong. As we ventured out into the night I suddenly felt ill. Cold sweat and chills. I felt so sick that I asked my dad if we could take a taxi back to the hotel (bear in mind that I could see the hotel from where I was standing). But the motor traffic in the streets were at a standstill. So we headed by foot among the endless crowd back to the hotel. As we inched our way to the hotel, my dad decided that I should have some dinner - Pei Tan Pork Porridge - to help me feel better. When we got back to the room my dad drew a nice hot bath for me. I went to the bathroom, had some diarrhea and was feeling a little better. So I stepped into the tub and as the water reached my chest I felt a sudden urge to puke. I jumped out, headed for the sink and the porridge shot out of my mouth so forcefully that it came out through my nose as well. To this day I can remember the oily smell of porridge in my nostrils. When I woke up the next morning I wasn't feeling up to go shopping again. (Yes! I felt that sick!) But my dad insisted because he's such a wonderful dad and wanted me to spend my time in Hong Kong acquiring as many material things as possible! As we started shopping the illness completely subsided and by the end of the day it was as if nothing had happened. The culprit to all this unhappiness during the New Years? I suspect food poisoning. Lessons learned? Don't take a hot bath if you feel like puking and shopping cures all ailments. I think I'll tell Bryan when he wakes up that we NEED to go shopping today.

Making Money

Since I became a full time mother, I spend my days taking care of Noah and my nights surfing the web while he sleeps next to me. I shop over the Internet, keep up on friends' blogs, check email, Facebook and YouTube. Bryan seems to disapprove of these activities especially what he considers wasting my time on YouTube. I tried to explain to him that I don't get to do any of these things in the daytime and it's practically the only connection I have to the outside world. Well today he came into my room and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I started a blog yesterday and I discovered by adding AdSense I can make some money whenever someone clicks on an ad on my blog. He actually said "Good Job". I guess writing a blog is better than being on YouTube and making money while I'm doing it makes it worthwhile. When I had a job I would sometimes think of money making opportunities during my commute. Like everyone else, I would like to retire early and still have money coming in. One great idea is making money off of royalties. That means I can do something once and continue to get paid for the rest of my life!!! How great is that?!?! The first thing that comes to mind is writing a book but I am NOT a good writer. I'm not eloquent or imaginative enough to do a job like that. I could take photos and sell them as postcards or greeting cards but that means I need to have some photography skills. I could write travel guides but I think that would require too much research and thought that it would take the fun out of travelling for me. You see my problem? So for now, being a full time mother and not financially contributing to the family, please click on an ad to the right if it appeals to you when you visit my blog. That being said, please come visit my blog often so that Bryan will get off my back about being on the internet.

GO CLICK ON THE AD RIGHT NOW!!
Baby needs some diapers!!

Je-Sick-Ah

Well I just spent wayyy too much time selecting a memorable name for my first blog. I know I'm asking for it by naming it Je-Sick-Ah but you can't say it's not memorable. That reminds me of how my name came to be. A little history lesson for those of you who didn't know me in grade school. My name was Ja-Wai until I was 10 years old and I absolutely hated it. Aside from all the teasing I got from mean kids such as David, (hahaha, he'll probably never read this but this is my little way of seeking revenge for scarring my childhood) I also dreaded having substitute teachers. They always slaughtered my name during role call making all the kids laugh at me. So when I was in 5th grade I had the opportunity to change my name when I became a naturalized citizen. I had about 10 minutes to chose my new name. My mother and I decided that I should stick with a name that starts with "J". My mother suggested "Jacqueline" (after Jacqueline Kennedy) but being 10 years old at the time and not knowing much of anything including who Jackie Kennedy was I thought it sounded too "ethnic". Like Jakwanda, Janiqua...hahaha boy was I stupid. Well when I went home with my new name it caused more trouble than Ja-Wai! All my Chinese aunts criticized it saying it sounds too much like "Jezebel". That's all I heard for years. They would see me, say my new name and scoff. Jeeze, as if I could change it again. Now after 20 or so years I do not like my name too much. Must be because of all the references to Jezebel but I do like it better than Ja-Wai! No regrets there.

Happy New Years Everyone. Wishing you all the best in 2009!